Light plus Weighty

Art – Tricks the Eyes …

Posted on March 9, 2019. Filed under: Light plus Weighty |

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The Old n the Young …

Posted on March 4, 2019. Filed under: Light plus Weighty |

An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured, get back $1,000.

Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.
Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: ‘Aaagh! — This is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

Dr.Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr.Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t — that’s Gasoline!
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

Dr.Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr.Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!”
Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so here’s your $1000 back” (giving him a $10 bill).
Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”
Dr.Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.

Moral -Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an old Geezer. Remember: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to tick us off.

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Bond? No – Its Sherlock …

Posted on December 30, 2018. Filed under: Light plus Weighty |

The Case of the Missing Aircraft

My notes indicate that it was on a certain wintry December afternoon of the year ’18 that I found myself once more in front of our old barsati at b122, Bekar Street, the starting point of so many remarkable adventures I have had in the company of my friend Mr ‘Chalak’ Om.

I find it recorded in my scribbled memo that I was having difficulty breathing that day on account of Delhi’s polluted air. (I find the same thing recorded also for every other day of the year. In a year or two after that, we learnt to stop breathing in order to cope with the situation.)

https://thewire.in/humour/the-adventures-of-chalak-om-as-chronicled-by-doctor-vatsan

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Australians – Cannot be Beat …

Posted on April 14, 2018. Filed under: Light plus Weighty |

Happy Laughing Happy Weekend.

The 2012 Australian Poetry Competition held in Sydney Opera House had come down to two finalists; A – A university graduate. B – An old aboriginal.

They were given a common word, and then allowed two minutes to reflect on the word and recite a short four line poem that contained the word.    The word they were given was ‘ TIMBUKTU ‘. First to recite his poem was the university graduate. He stepped to the microphone and recited  –

Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels two by two
Destination – Timbuktu .

The crowd went crazy! No way could the old aboriginal top that – they thought. The old aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited –

Me and Tim a huntin’ went
Met three whores in a pop up tent
They were three, and we was two
So I bucked one, and Tim – buk tu .

The aboriginal won, pants down!

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Smile …

Posted on September 30, 2017. Filed under: Light plus Weighty, Searching for Success |

♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year; not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?

♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

♦ A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

♦ Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

♦ If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

♦ I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

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Battle of Two Museums …

Posted on September 20, 2017. Filed under: Light plus Weighty, Personalities, Uncategorized |

2017 is undoubtedly the year of the feud. As celebrities and corporations alike take to Twitter to hash things out, two of the UK’s most respected scientific institutions, the Science Museum and the Natural History Museum, have got in on the action.

http://www.newstatesman.com/science-tech/social-media/2017/09/two-museums-are-having-fight-twitter-and-its-gloriously

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The Smart Kid …

Posted on May 23, 2017. Filed under: Light plus Weighty |

This kid will be a success ! He is brilliant!                                                                                    ..

Q1.. In which battle did Napoleon die? …  * His last battle

 .
Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? … * At the bottom of the page
 .
Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state? …  * Liquid
 .
Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce? …* Marriage
 .
Q5.. What is the main reason for failure? …* Exams
 .
Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast? … * Lunch & dinner
 .
Q7.. What looks like half an apple … * The other half
 .
Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?… * Wet
.
 Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? …* By sleeping at night.
 .
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? …*   You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? … * Very large hands
.
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? … *No time at all, the wall is already built.
.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? … *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
 .
CHEERS!
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Wonderful Witty Ad …

Posted on January 27, 2017. Filed under: Light plus Weighty |

Carnation Milk 65 Years Ago.

A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan.The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with ‘Carnation Milk is best of all.

She thought to herself, I know everything there is to know about milk and dairy farms – I can do this!

She sent in her entry and several weeks later a black car pulled up in front of her house. A large man got out, knocked on her door and said, “Ma’am , I am President of Carnation milk. We absolutely LOVED your entry. So much, in fact, that we are here to award you $1,000 even though we will not be able to use it our advertisements!”

He did, however, have one printed up to hang on his office wall.

Carnation Milk is Best of All,
No tits to pull, No  hay to haul,
No buckets to wash, No shit to pitch,
Just Poke a hole in the Son of a Bitch!

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This Wonderful English Language …

Posted on December 24, 2016. Filed under: Guide Posts, Light plus Weighty, The English, Uncategorized |

C. N. Annadurai was a prominent Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu, India,  known for his proficiency in English. Once at Yale University he was asked to mention a hundred words which did not have any of the letters –  A, B, C or D.

He promptly recited ‘One to Ninety Nine’ ………….. and then shouted ‘STOP’ – thus completing the one hundred words without any  of the Four Letters !

The next request was to  construct a sentence repeating ‘because’ three times contiguously.

After a moments thought, he says, “A sentence never ends with ‘because,’ because ‘because’ is a conjunction”.

Over to Messrs Shakespeare and Milton!

 

 

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Acciaroli – Where 1/5 of the Population is Hundred Plus …

Posted on October 17, 2016. Filed under: Guide Posts, Light plus Weighty |

The Place Where People Live Long!

There is a small hamlet in south west Italy where more than 10% of the people are aged over 100, and 20% of this number live to be 110. This extraordinary statistic completely dwarfs the number of American, British or Australian centenarians, which stands at around 1 per 5,000 of the population.

It’s for this reason that a study has just been conducted to find out why the beautiful village of Acciaroli is the place with the oldest residents in the world. The results are out, and the news is staggering. When Dr. Alan Maisel of the University of California first decided to study the area he was chiefly interested because the people didn’t seem to lead such healthy lifestyles.

He said: “We would notice these people were walking around. Some would be smoking, some would be pretty fat as well, and it just seemed beyond the usual health benefits of just the Mediterranean diet.”

The amazing thing about Acciaroli is that the local people here live a happy life and don’t pay much attention to their health. Not only do they smoke a lot, they also eat greasy, fried fish, drink coffee all day and wine in the evening.

They do not spend their time on exercise regimes. They neither jog nor do yoga. Yet, they do not suffer from the typical chronic diseases that most western elderly people are prone too – illnesses like heart disease, obesity and Alzheimer’s. Dr. Maisel and his team were also surprised that they saw no one over 80 who had cataracts,.

The 6-month study of the area by Sapineza University and San Diego School of Medicine found that the local inhabitants of Acciaroli have amazingly good blood circulation for their age. After analyzing the blood samples taken from just over 80 elderly people, the researchers realized that each of them had unbelievably low levels of a hormone known as adrenomedullin, which helps to widen blood vessels.

When people age, their bodies usually produce more adrenomedullin, which contracts the blood vessels. This leads to circulatory problems and a whole host of debilitating health issues. Yet, the levels of adrenomedullin in these retired locals are at the same level as those of healthy people in their 20s and 30s.

According to the published results, the scientists found adrenomedullin “in a much reduced quantity in the subjects studied and seems to act as a powerful protecting factor, helping the optimal development of microcirculation.” 

Here are 6 possible candidates for the secret of Acciaroli’s residents’ longevity. Each of these lifestyle choices seem to do something important when it comes to preserving our health and helping us live longer, and each of them are typical of the people of Acciaroli.

1. The residents of Acciaroli generally eat local food, including locally caught sardines and anchovies. The anchovies are eaten in virtually every meal, which is interesting because this fish is full of antioxidants, which reduce cholesterol and inflammation. Many of them keep rabbits and chickens, which they kill for meat. Furthermore, the olive oil, wine, fruit and vegetables are all locally grown. The lack of imported foods mean they consume very fresh food, uninfected with pesticides.

2. Locally grown rosemary is also used constantly here, they even add it to their olive oil. Rosemary is considered to be useful in improving brain function, and the particular varieties grown here are being tested too. It could be that the dozen separate compounds found in this rosemary are especially healthy.

3. The people of Acciaroli are incredibly active, though they don’t exercise for the sake of it. Because the region is hilly, they are simply forced to drag themselves up and down, around and around, day after day. Yet, you’ll never see them joining a gym.

4. Acciaroli is a quiet little town, far removed from much of the hustle and bustle that typifies modern living. Thus, the people here are relaxed. They enjoy sitting in cafes, where they talk politics, read the newspapers, drink coffee and take it easy. Every day is like a lazy Sunday afternoon here. ‘it’s a stress free life. There’s a joie de vivre.’ This is important because stress destroys our immune system and eats away at our brain cells.

5. Weather & environment There is plenty of warm sunshine in Acciaroli, helping the locals get their fair share of vitamin D. It’s weather like this that keeps them outdoors and active too. Furthermore, since there is no real industry around here, the air is unpolluted and clean. There is something marvelous about the air that wafts along the town with the cool sea breeze that smells of immortality.

6. Dr. Maisel believes that the elderly people in Acciaroli spend more time enjoying each other’s bedroom embraces than any average couple. He says: “Sexual activity among the elderly appears to be rampant. Maybe living long has something to do with that.” Could this be the secret Having a joy for life, being in love with someone and spending time with them is such a revivifying feeling!

The hamlet is 85 miles south of Naples and was famously visited by Mediterranean-diet-aficionado, American nutritionist Ancel Keys in 1950.
He was so taken with the area that he remained here with his wife. 

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